Going further together

A month ago my friend Ally and I were running together. We were about 8km in when the dirt road started sloping down, leading us closer to the river. Finally catching our breath, I looked over at Ally and told her I was so, so thankful for our friendship. We’d met ten months earlier, but in those ten months we had done so much.

We had slept under star filled skies, backpacked our way to beautiful views on the island, had hard conversation about feminism, racism, love, bravery, betrayal, loss, displacement, dreams, hopes, the value of choosing the kind of life we want to live. We had driven coast to coast across Canada, traveling thousands of kilometres, slept in the backseat and trunk of a car for a month, hiked high mountains with beautiful views and high mountains with no views. We had been uncomfortable and cold and wet. We tripped and fell and laughed and ate copious amounts of noodles and beans. We snowshoed and tented and completed workout programs, ran her first 10km, ran even further. We saw beauty in every province and we came back home and saw it here, too. And we were just a few hours away from parting ways because she was moving that very afternoon.

So, yeah, I looked over at Ally and told her I couldn’t put into words just how thankful I was for her. Because of her friendship, I knew that I could do hard things. I never would have backpacked on my own or driven across Canada. If I was alone, I wouldn’t have climbed those mountains or ran those kilometres or endured the freezing cold of Saskatoon in the trunk of a car. I wouldn’t have watched the stars for as long or opened up conversations about the challenging, controversial topics of racism or feminism. Because of our friendship, I was better. I was braver. And I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I could do hard things. That, after the last 10 months, I was made for it even. But the real thing that our friendship taught me? The real nugget that has come out of it? Sure, I can do hard things. But with Ally, we can do hard things together.

You know where we learned that? Outside. 

It doesn’t take a whole lot of courage to sit in my bedroom alone, read books or watch an entire season on Netflix, but it takes some guts to pack a tent, strap on a backpack and hike over mountains. A Friday night in with some dill pickle chips doesn’t demand much for me. It doesn’t ask that I put myself out there or push my body or test my limits. Sunrise hikes, five weeks of living in a car, summiting mountains when I’m shaking and cold and soaked? That asks something of me. That demands I step outside of who I think I am and step into someone I am becoming. 

Maybe that’s it. Maybe we’re all just in this process of becoming. Maybe we’re all part of an unwritten, unfinished story. Maybe we aren’t the best version of ourselves yet. Maybe we aren’t “there” yet- wherever there is. 

And maybe, maybe we will only ever become who we’re meant to be when we go on the journey together. 

In a society that is so focused on getting ahead, on being the best, so honed in on beating others to get the fame, maybe the real truth is that going alone will never get us there. We are constantly fed this idea that being at the top will make us happy, so we jump into a rat race where the finish line is constantly moved and always just a little out of reach. We spend hours scrolling and scrolling, looking at people and longing for what they have. Then we lock our screens and jump into our lives alone and we wonder why we never get very far. 

Maybe we’re all out here fighting to get to the top and we’re taking paths we were never really meant to take. 

Maybe we can redefine “success”. Maybe we can share burdens and joys with each other. Maybe we can shine a light into the darkness for our friends when they just can’t see it themselves. Maybe we can offer hope for each other on the hard days. Maybe we can strap on some boots and push one another to get to the top of the mountain. Maybe we can hold up mirrors to each other that show our flaws and our strengths and maybe we can lend each other the bravery on this journey of becoming. 

Maybe.

I admit, I’m not very old so I don’t know much yet, but I do know that I’ve gone farther, done better, been better when I’ve surrounded myself with strong men and women who don’t just tell me I can get to the top of the mountain but who walk up the mountain with me. I know that I make more progress on this journey when I do it side by side with people than when I go it alone. 

A friend of mine used to always say,

“If you want to go fast, go alone.

If you want to go far, go together.”

Maybe that’s it. The sum total of what this friendship and the outdoors has taught me over the last year. There’s a whole lot of gold inside of you. There’s a whole, huge, wild amount of skills and abilities in you. Right now. You can discover some of them alone, sure, but you know what? I bet you’ll find out a whole lot more if you have people around helping you uncover them, too.

Maybe it’s time we move the finish line ourselves, time to set different goals. Maybe getting to the top shouldn’t be our aim anymore. Maybe a good and kind life lived with people you love and trust- people who push you and walk up those mountains beside you- is better.

Maybe the first step is making the space to let them in. 

See you out there.

Written by: Annika Phillips