As a company, we love to show people the great outdoors and offer the opportunity to explore locally. The outdoors, as we know it, is a place to learn and grow, to go on wild adventures, meet new people and push outside of your comfort zone. While it’s great to talk about our side of it, we want to invite others to share their stories; why they go outside, what it has taught them, tall tales from mountaintops and riverbanks. We want to create a space for people to be raw and honest, a spot right here to share and learn. With that being said, we are beginning a series of posts where people will be able to share their own journeys and experiences. We’re kicking it off today with our friend, Jonathan Kanary.
Photo by: Jimmie Pederson
As a young boy, I spent a lot of time outdoors. My parents took us camping every summer, my dad took me fishing and hunting, my cousin and I would explore vast stretches of back-country forest. Throughout adolescence and into adulthood my relationship with the outdoors deteriorated; work, bars, clubs, women, drinking, drugs all became the center of my life.
Like most of my generation I have always struggled with my mental health, and I was never one to find balance in my life. Depression, anxiety, and insecurity lead to a feeling of hopelessness and ultimately full blown crippling addiction which put my life in the toilet. I found myself morally, spiritually and emotionally bankrupt sitting in a jail cell for drug possession. This was my “rock bottom.”
I entered recovery. Started working a twelve step program. For those of you not familiar with this process, very simply you reconcile with your past, learn new coping mechanisms for life, and practice meditation, which in turn, brings you a greater understanding of yourself while developing a relationship with a power greater than you.
I felt drawn to nature when I was still struggling early on in recovery. Escaping to a place where my phone doesn't work, where there was no one to judge me, no one to make awkward eye contact with, no reason to look over my shoulder; that was my only relief from the shame and remorse that consumed me. The more time I spent in nature the more time I wanted to spend there. I grew a passion for foraging and learning about the sustenance nature provides. I found myself attracted to waterfalls more so than mountaintops; back country bushwacking rather than well worn trails. The pink/white noise of leaves rustling in the wind, or the water steadily crashing down the moss covered granite, brings a surreal calmness to my mind. Staying in the now has always been difficult for me. I was always living in remorse, bitterness or guilt from the past or obsessive, fearful and crippled with anxiety of what the future might hold. Many things in nature leave you awestruck; shocked into the present moment with a calmness and serenity unmatched by anything created by mankind. When wandering through a desolate forest, there is no past or future, there is only now, and this is the therapeutic experience many of us crave in our busy lives.
I would share my adventures daily on social media. Friends and strangers alike would reach out and ask to join me. I started guiding individuals and groups, folks from all walks of life. I get a real charge out of teaching them a little history of the place we would visit, having them taste edible foliage and encouraging them to push themselves further than they thought they could to reach our destination. Being able to share and trade skills with others is a communion we share that has no cost, only value.
I have always found myself to be a lonely person regardless if I was in a room full of people or actually alone. I always felt alone, and still do most of the time. But I am aware that my connection with the world around me is fractured and ungrounded. I feel alone because I feel disconnected. Johan Hari describes the opposite of addiction, as connection. For many of us, this is a connection to community, family, and friends. We forget sometimes, that our connection with nature is paramount in maintaining a balanced life. Reestablishing this relationship with nature helps us put things into perspective. We begin to rediscover the awesome power and beauty all around us. Nature provides a therapy that we are unable to experience in modern society. With our practice of meditation, we can more easily appreciate the fresh air, color, and texture of our environment.
I have found the outdoors community to be very welcoming. Each time I wanted to up the ante, I easily found a group of friends that were willing to take me under their wing and push me toward greater challenges. As I pushed through harder, longer, more isolated treks, I learned that the body can take so much more than the mind would have you think. This mental discipline is something I hold very dear today. We are warriors and often forget that we are capable of remarkable things when we do not let our ego get in the way.
Push yourself. Don’t give up. Keep going a little further. This is how we triumph in life.
Written by: Jonathan Kanary